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Old 06-29-2008, 10:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Pinoy Jokes List

Asia's Best

PILITA CORRALES - Asia 's Queen of Song.

LANI MISALUCHA - Asia 's Nightingale.

REGINE VELASQUEZ - Asia 's Song Bird.

GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO - "Mole of Asia"


Flight To San Francisco

ERAP: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco?

OPERATOR: Just a minute, Sir..

ERAP: Really? Thank you..


Juan And TaTay


JUAN; Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.

TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata! Englisin mo yan!

JUAN: Paano?

TATAY: KANG GUD!
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:33 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

A Song


A song for our Honorable Politicians, Congressmen and Senators, Mayors and Governors:
(To the tune of Boom Tarat-Tarat)

"BOOM CORRUPT CORRUPT,
BOOM CORRUPT CORRUPT,
KURAKOT, KURAKOT,
BOOM BOOM BOOM!"


Tatay To Anak


TATAY:
Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro?
Palaging may honor.

ANAK:
Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.

TATAY:
Bakit naman?

ANAK:
Matalino tatay nun!



Half-Half

ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish.

HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese.

JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot.

RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo.

JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina.

MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork.

GMA: half...
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

Things you only find in the philippines


ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES :

1. Doctors go back to school to be nurses abroad.

2. Rats are normal house pets.

3. Soap opera is reality and news provide the dramas of life.

4. Actors make the rules and politicians provide the entertainment!



American To Tagalog


AMERICAN ENGLISH:
Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!

IN TAGALOG:
kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!



At School



TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?

BOY#1: Naglaba mam!

TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?

BOY#2: Naglalaba!

TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?

BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

AMO - MAID


AMO: kelan lang tayo bumili ng toothpick, bakit naubos agad?

MAID: ewan ko po mam, kapag ako po ang gumamit sinosoli ko naman ah!


ADIK


ADIK: Doc, grabe yung panaginip ko gabi gabi, kasi lagi daw ako nanunuod ng basketball.

DOCTOR: sige halika may gamot ako para dyan.

ADIK: Wag muna dok, championship game na mamaya eh!



Father & Son


JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may asin sa dagat?

ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda..
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

Pedro And Juan

PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?

JUAN: Pata!

PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?

JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento!



WATCH

Miriam Santiago is the model of a watch to be made jointly by Japan's Seiko and French's Patek Philippe.

The brand name of the watch is "SEIKOPATEK".



City Executive


Isang Successful Male Executive sa Makati ang stress na
stress sa pamumuhay sa lunsod. Sa trapiko at sa trabajo
kaya nagpasya ang Executive na tumira sa malayo sa kabihasnan total mayroon naman siyang konting naitatabi
at nagiisa lang naman siya.

Nakabili siya ng sakahan sa paanan ng Sierra Madre Mountains at doon nagsaka siya at namuhay na mag-isa na malayo sa kabihasnan. Makaraan ang anim na buwan na walang TV, Telepono, Internet, Sine, Disco at Beer Gardens napag-isip-isip niya na ang buhay sa lunsod ay hindi naman pala gaanong stressful.
Nagdadalawang isip siyang bumalik sa lunsod ng may kumatok sa pinto. Nang buksan niya ang pinto ay bumulaga sa kanya ang isang lalaking malaki at matipuno ang pangangatawan.

"Magandang araw po, ako po ang kapitbahay ninyo na nakatira sa paanan ng ikat'long bundok mula rito, kaya po ako nasadya ay gusto ko kayong kumbidahin sa 'Party' sa bahay sa Sabado ng gabi."

"Aba, magandang idea iyan, anim na buwan na nga akong hindi nakakapunta sa Party. Asahan mo ang pagdalo ko."

Paalis ang lalaki ng: "nais ko pong malaman ninyo na mayroon pong inuman"

"Okey lang, anim na buwan na nga akong hindi nakakainom eh, asahan mong dadalo ako."

Paalis na muli ang lalaki ng: "nais ko rin pong malaman ninyo na maaari rin pong magkaroon ng awayan na nauuwi sa pag-bu-bunuan."

"Okey rin, normal lang sa Party ang medyo magulo at anim na buwan na rin akong hindi napapaaway, sanay akong makipagbuno, huwag mo iyong alalahanin at siguradong dadalo ako sa Party."

Bago tuluyang umalis: "nais ko rin pong malaman ninyo ng mayroon pong 'wild sex' sa Party."

"Lalong okey na okey, anim na buwan na akong walang sex. Ano nga pala ang dapat kong isuot, Formal?, Casual?, Rugged ? . . . . . ."

"Kahit na ano puwede, total TAYONG DALAWA LANG NAMAN ANG
MAG-PA-PARTY"
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

DEPOSIT


Teacher: "Pedro, use 'deposit' in a sentence."

Pedro: "Easy lang 'yon Ma'm, D' posit is leaking."

Teacher: "No, no, no, you got it wrong, let me explain
it to you further. You know
.....BANK.....DEPOSIT..... see the relationship....
...BANK .......DEPOSIT.....?"

Pedro: "Oh, I got it." (na-intindihan ang ibig sabihin
ng teacher)

Teacher: "Okey, I'll give you another chance, use
'deposit' in a sentence."

Pedro: "D' posit in the bank is leaking."



CAMEL


May isang Pinoy sa Saudi maisipang takasan ang
kalupitan ng kanyang mga Amo. Sa kagipitan,
ipinasya niyang tawirin ang disyerto at humanap
ng magandang kapalaran sa Kuwait. Sa kanyang
konting ipon, bumili siya ng Camel at gamit sa
paglalakbay at dahil di niya alam paluhurin ang
Camel para sakyan, nagdala na rin siya ng hagdanan.

Ikat'long araw sa paglalakbay sinumpung ang Pinoy
ng matinding pangangailangan (Libog). Sawa na
siyang magparaos sa pamamagitan ng kanyang kamay
kaya ipinasya niyang pagparausan ang Camel (total
nasa gitna siya ng disyerto at wala namang makakakita
sa kanya). Dahil mataas ang Camel, gumamit siya ng
hagdan, ngunit sa tuwing tatangkain niyang 'ipasok'
nakikiliti and Camel at humamakbang kaya si Pinoy
nahuhulog. Ganoon ng ganoon hanggang sa magsawa ang
Pinoy sa pagtatangka at ipinasya niyang magpatuloy
sa paglalakbay. Ganoon pa man, hindi matanggal ang
kanyang pagnanasa na makaraos sa kanyang pangangailangan.

Ika - limang araw sa paglalakbay ng makakakita siya ng
napaka-gandang Pinay na hinahabol ng Arabyano.
"Tulongan ninyo ako" ang sigaw ng Pinay "gusto nila
akong pagsamantalahan at patayin." Si Pinoy pinagbabaril
ang mga humahabol at iniligtas ang kababayang Pinay.

Ang Pinay nagpapasalamat: "Salamat po at iniligtas ninyo
ako, utang ko sa inyo ang aking buhay, at gagawin ko po
ang kahit na ano bilang pasasalamat.

Ang Pinoy nangangailangan (nalilibugan) pa rin: "Talaga?"

"Opo, kahit po ano gagawin ko para sa inyo"

Ang Pinoy tumutulo ang laway sa pagnanasa: "Talaga, kahit
na ano?"

"Opo, kahit po ano"

"Kung ganoon, PAKI HAWAKAN MO ANG CAMEL"
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

Anong Tawag Sa...


Q: Maliit na Batya?
A: Tansan

Q: Maliit na Palanggana?
A: Palangganita

Q: Maliit na Kutsara?
A: Kutsarita

Q: Maliit na Aso?
A: Tuta

Q: Maliit na Pusa?
A: Kuting

Q: Maliit na Baboy?
A: Biik

Q: Maliit na Butiki?

Hindi ko alam sirit na . . . .

A: "BUTIKING MALIIT"



GIRL'S PRAYER


Dasal naman ng mga babae:
Sa edad na 20 - "Lord, I want the best man."
Sa edad na 25 - "Lord, I want a good man."
Sa edad na 30 - "Lord, I want any man."
Sa edad na 40 - "Lord, please naman..."
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

LOVE

Lovelines through the years
1950s -- Iniirog kita.
1960s -- Iniibig kita.
1970s -- Minamahal kita.
1980s -- I love you.
1990s -- Tara sa kwarto.
2000s -- Pwede na rito.


Sum Ting Wong's Job INTERVIEW


Sum Ting Wong went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Sum Ting Wong's colorful attire
and gold & white-highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN". Nevertheless, he still
had to entertain SumTing Wong.
So he told Sum Ting Wong, "If you could form a
sentence using the words that I'll give you, then
maybe I will give you a chance!. The words are
GREEN,PINK, YELLOW,BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK"
Sum Ting Wong thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and
PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW....BLUE's that? WHITE
did you say? Aiyah,wrong number, lah.... Don't
PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

DUCK Dictionary

maliit na duck - "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck - " Pandacan"
mataas na duck - "boonduck"
nagulat na duck - "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck - "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck - "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck - "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck - "ducktor"
musikero na duck - "conducktor"


LETTER


An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad:

Beer dad,

Gin na 'ko mag-iinom whisky kelan man.
Tanduayan mo yan.

Your son,
Miguel.
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Old 06-29-2008, 03:27 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Pinoy Jokes List

KAIBAHAN

Ano ang kaibahan ni Prince Charles sa kulangot?

Si Prince Charles ay heir to the throne.

Ang kulangot ay thrown to the air!



18

Chinese: I have 4 wives, 1 more and I have a basketball team.

American: I have 9 wives, 1 more I have a football team.

Pinoy: I have 17 wives, 1 more I have a golf course - 18 holes.



AGAW-BUHAY


Nakaupo sa tabi ng kanyang asawang agaw-buhay si Juan.
Hawak hawak niya ang kamay nito at nararamdaman ni Juan
na hindi na magtatagal at babawian na ng buhay ang kanyang asawa.

"Juan, bago ako mamatay, mayroon akong gustong ipagtapat
sa iyo."

"Mahal, huwag ka ng magsalita at makakasama pa sa iyo."

"Pero Juan, kailangan talagang malaman mo na........"

"Sssshhhh, kung ano man iyon ay hindi na mahalaga, ang
importante ay nasa tabi mo ako sa huling sandali mo
rito sa mundo."

"Juan, nais kong ipagtapat sa iyo na pinag-taksilan kita
sana ay patawarin mo ako."

"Alam ko iyon, kaya nga kita NILASON."
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